Learning a new habit isn’t easy. It takes time, and various stages. The goal of any new habit is to get to the “maintenance” phase. That’s the point where everything is clicking. It’s become second nature.

Most people this this is where the journey ends, that this is the goal, the stopping point.

When I was in grad school I had a professor say this to us: at some point in your life, each and every one of your healthy habits will be challenged and you will likely relapse into old patterns.

I was pretty shocked. Every habit will relapse at some point? But she was convincing — the research suggests that any new health habit you acquire is temporary, and at some point, it will fail.

It may be after 5 minutes (like trying to quit smoking), 5 days (a crash diet), 5 months (an exercise program), or 5 years.

It may be after 30 years.

But no habit is safe.

Why is this? Why can we never rest on our newly found laurels? We’ve just spent months or years learning these new habits. We’ve got systems in place. We rely on our routines. Life is good, everything is on autopilot.

Life happens.

That’s the thing about life. It is inherently unpredictable, uncertain. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or a hermit that never leaves the house.

Life changes, all the time. You move. A relationship starts or ends. Jobs, kids, the economy — it all changes.

That’s not to say you can’t get back to maintenance. That process will likely be easier the second time around — you have a history with this habit, and you can probably find your way back. But you will experience a period where it falters and your old habits reemerge.

For me, I find it very hard to believe that my vegan/plant-based diet will ever change. This feels more than just a habit. But maybe even that isn’t 100% safe. I shouldn’t show such hubris.

One habit that is in flux right now, at the moment, is meditation. I have been trying to build this habit for nearly 3 years now.

For a good year or more I was meditating every morning when I awoke and every night before bed, along with some light yoga.

It was a great habit, and lead to some profound personal growth and discovery. It made me a better, happier person.

But even though the research suggests benefit even with as little as five minutes a day, there is something so challenging about…just…stopping. It’s so antithetical to our western, fast paced culture. With the internet always on, we can be always on.

Taking a break to just sit there quietly with your breath and noticing your thoughts, who’s got the time for that?!

Well I did — off and on for 3 years.

But life happens.

For the past few weeks I have been in transition mode, between apartments and possibly moving cities for a new opportunity. While everything that is happening is both exciting and challenging, the uncertainty is stressful.

Of course, this would be likely the most important time for me to be meditating regularly.

Yet the mind goes elsewhere, old habits come back in. Novel life stress causes relapse in habits, and getting lost in Netflix all of a sudden is way more appealing. I spend all day consumed by the anxiety of my thoughts, why would I want to devote 5-10 minutes a day to listening to them even more intently??

So I have not been meditating. I have relapsed. Relapsed into old patterns, old stress-relievers, etc.

I still carry the lessons I learned from when I was in maintenance of this meditation habit. It still has made me a million times better at coping with this life stress. Those lessons are with me.

I share this story not to scare you but to simply share the reality — no habit is safe from relapse. Instead of having that scare you I hope it helps you feel OK when it does happen. It’s normal. Be gentle with yourself when it happens, dust yourself off, and figure out what you need to do to get back to it.

For me, it starts tomorrow!

….wait. I said that I learned the lessons of meditation.

It starts NOW! (Off to meditate!)

If you were like me, growing up you and your friends likely asked each other pretty regularly what super power you most wanted.

The hot debate was always between flying or super human strength.

What I didn’t realize at the time, however, was that I had access to a super power all along! It took me 20+ years before I finally discovered my super power, and now I’m here to tell you that you have one too!

It just has so far gone untapped.

Let me describe a scenario, see if you can relate.

You wake up for work, pretty normal morning, but you’re just feeling “blah.” You go through the day kind of feeling tired and you have no idea why. Even though your workday was fine — nothing major happened — you just felt low energy all day. Essentially you were in a “funk.”

Can you relate? This ever happen to you?

I know it happens to me.

Have you ever caught yourself in that moment? Can you bring awareness to this feeling in the moment? Or do you generally have no idea what’s going on until later?

For me, for most of my life, I didn’t really catch myself feeling this way until way later. Finally after hours of having just a crappy day I’d realize something was off.

That is until I discovered my super power.

I cultivated this super power a number of different ways. I downloaded a few smartphone apps to help (Omvana & Headspace), and I attended an 8-week course called “MBSR.”

What are all these funky names and acronyms?

They are all tools for meditation. Omvana has an extensive catalog of free and paid meditation tracks, and Headspace has a great 10-day beginners program that is totally free.

MBSR stands for Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. This technique is non-denomenational, was developed at UMass-Amherst by neuroscience researchers, and classes are taught all around the country.

Essentially what regular meditation allows you to do is create space between you and your thoughts.

There are different methods and ways to achieve this, but about the most basic meditation on Planet Earth goes like this:

Sit quietly. Focus all of your attention on your breath. When your mind wanders (which it will constantly, at first), just bring your attention back to your breath. Do this as long as you can — starting with 5 minutes a day is great — everyday.

Essentially what this — and other meditation practices — teach you is that you are not your thoughts. They exist in your head, but they are not you. You can choose which ones to listen to and follow and which ones to ignore. What was automatic and unconscious becomes a conscious choice.

I’ll never forget when this concept first really solidified in my mind, and when I first started to think “hey, I’m kind of developing a super power here…!”

It was around the time I was taking my MBSR class. I was also in grad school at the time, and I often biked to campus. It was a bitterly cold morning, and my commute was all uphill — both ways! (Ok just one way, my way to school).

When you are biking in sub-freezing temperatures, you need a lot of gear. Windproof jacket and pants, gloves, hat, facial cover, warm boots, etc. It’s quite a process, and biking up a massive hill in this gear can be pretty annoying. You sweat inside your gear but are freezing on the outside. It’s unpleasant.

So I battled my way up the hill, slogging the whole way. I get to campus and walk into my office building, to the bathroom to change into my work clothes. I open my backpack only to find that I forgot my work pants at home!

Instantly I had a vision of them still sitting on my bed. So stupid!

At this point the thought of riding all the way home and back in the bitter cold sounded like the worst thing ever. And on top of it, the trip would make me really late for work!

But I had no choice and so I got on my bike and set off.

As I started my ride my mind was going crazy. I was impatient, anxious, frustrated, tired, sweaty, late. It was a bad brew of thoughts and emotions.

And then… it all stopped.

All of a sudden this rational, “all-knowing” voice appeared in my head, drowning out the anxious chatter that was currently driving me crazy.

I simply thought: “there is nothing I can think that will change this situation. No amount of thinking will make the work pants appear in your bag. There is no reason to suffer in this moment. Accept it.”

All negative emotion instantly vanished. I realized that there was nothing I could do to change what had to be done, and my only real options were: 1. make myself miserable as I ride home to get my work pants and then ride back, or 2. ride home to get my work pants and then ride back.

Option 2 sounded far more pleasant all of a sudden.

But here’s the thing — if it wasn’t for the regular meditation practice I was developing, I wouldn’t have even been aware of option 2!

We are so programmed for these responses, especially in stressful situations. And when you are so identified with each and every thought that enters your mind, you can never get any separation. It’s only through this separation that you can gain perspective, and make a better choice.

Just last week I found myself pacing around my apartment with in a funk, like we talked about before. Normally you just kinda have yourself a bad day.

But with my super power I caught myself, and that higher voice came in and said, simply, “I am feeling stressed today.”

No judgment, no trying to change it. Just noticing that the feeling was there. With that noticing I was able to allow it to pass more freely through me, instead of trying to resist it, and ultimately I had a better day thanks to the super power that comes from regular meditation!

If you are at all interested in starting up a regular meditation practice, I’d highly recommend checking out those apps I mentioned, Googling “MBSR [your zip code],” or simply starting with the five minutes of conscious breathing. Or, you can watch this funny video my friend and I made about how to start a meditation practice!

Go get that super power!

The start of a new year is always big for me. I am one for the symbolism. The fresh start. The clean slate.

January is a time to take a look at your life and clean out the clutter.

What’s not serving you anymore? What could you be doing more of that would serve you?

I’ve always made resolutions, and my senior year of college was the first time I really stuck to one.

It was to learn how to cook, and my mom got me Mark Bittman’s brilliant cookbook “How to Cook Everything Vegetarian” for Christmas that year.

Bittman has a way with words, and he honestly taught me how to cook simply from the pages of his tome. At the time, I was getting really into food and had just completed my 1-month as a vegetarian experiment.

I was also about to graduate and go out into the “real world” and felt like I needed some real world skills.

So, I learned how to cook.

And in the process learned that I had a passion for cooking, and for food issues at large.

But this isn’t a story about my first resolution I ever kept, it’s a story about 2016.

Since I work as a health coach, all online, my schedule is very flexible. I make my own hours and can “clock-in” any time of the day.

Anyone who knows me well knows I am not a morning person. So when it comes to exercising I’d much rather do it after my workday is winding down than before. In fact there have been just a handful of times when I’ve had the hubris to attempt working out in the morning…

Today was just such a time.

Let me back up. Because I am not a morning person and I set my own schedule, I usually sleep in pretty late in the mornings and stay up pretty late at night. It’s just my natural rhythm. But since I wake up pretty late in the a.m., I end up going straight to my computer to start working, having my breakfast while I start my day, my tea, etc.

It’s kind of a jarring way to start my day, and lately I’ve been thinking I need a better morning routine.

In grad school I was in the habit of meditating every morning, and it was simply the best way to start my day. With my 3-minute-morning before I start work, morning meditation has gone out the window. I still meditate at night, but there’s nothing like starting your day with the stuff. Good for the soul.

In the past when a job has forced me into a morning routine I’ve actually really enjoyed earlier wake up times. It’s just really hard to force myself to do it. No one is checking to see when I clock in…

So, back to the story. Today I woke up 2 hours earlier than my normal routine, went for a run (in the cold morning chill), had breakfast and tea, and meditated, all before starting my actual work day.

Tomorrow I plan to do the same.

Will this become a new habit? Most likely no.

And that’s where the heart of this post comes in…

When people have asked me recently what my resolutions are I’ve been very careful not to call this a resolution, because as I put it, “frankly, I don’t think I can keep it up.”

Can anyone tell me what crucial piece is missing in this equation? Why won’t this become a new habit for me?

It won’t become a habit because I don’t believe it will.

In the behavior change world, the belief that you can do something you set out to do is called “self-efficacy.” In this example I lack self-efficacy.

I have little faith in my ability to form the habit, and therefore the research would suggest I will likely fail.

But here’s a little twist — I’m ok with that.

Life is about trying new things. I could surprise myself and find that the benefits — a more relaxing, peaceful start to my day — outweigh the costs — leaving my super warm cozy bed prematurely.

And let’s be honest — we are SO hard on ourselves that sometimes we don’t even try new things. And that’s just not good. The quickest way to stop growing as a person is to stop trying new things.

So screw it. I’ll probably be hitting the snooze button by early next week. But for now I’m committed to giving this a shot! And who knows maybe I’ll find some happy medium where some mornings it’s a run and others just meditation, or whatever.

Only time will tell, I’m just happy to be trying things.

Happy New Year. For whatever goals you’ve set yourself in 2016, ask yourself if you believe you can achieve them. Then, I suggest, do it no matter what your answer is. Just don’t be too hard on yourself when your prediction is right

(Next week we’ll talk about how to build self-efficacy!)

Check out Omvana (www.omvana.com) and Headspace (www.headspace.com) to get started

It has been a little over a year since I first enrolled in a mindfulness meditation class. The eight-week class concluded with an all-day mediation retreat. I am not overstating by saying this day was one of the best days of my life. A year later, I am still meditating.

I think you should start meditating too. Here’s why:

• Increase cognitive control
• Decrease mind-wandering
• Increase positive mood and decrease stress/anxiety
• Boost immunity
• Lower blood pressure, reduce risk of heart attack and stroke
• Better pain control
• Improved sleep
• Learn more of the science with this free ebook from Headspace

The course I attended was based on a practice called “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction,” or MBSR. This type of meditation is based in science and is non-denominational, making it accessible for all people, and classes are offered around the U.S. Just Google MBSR and your area and you should find classes with little trouble.

Of course, while the class is a fantastic way to start a meditation practice, the real work comes afterward, in maintaining the behavior. And, because classes are not free, I have a free “no excuses” tip to get you meditating today.

Just do 5 minutes

Just do it. Do it once. And then try to do it daily.

The number one reason people cite for not meditating is lack of time. I assure you, if you have 5 minutes to watch your sixth YouTube video today, you have 5 minutes to meditate. In fact, there are plenty of tutorials on YouTube if you’d like guidance. Other guidance can come from smartphone apps. The two I have used and absolutely love are Headspace and Omvana.

But you don’t even need an app! Here is how your 5 minute session will go:

Step 1: Sit down, in a chair, on the couch, or on a cushion — whatever is most comfortable for you (crossing legs not necessary).

Step 2: Close your eyes.

Step 3: Focus all of your attention on your breath. The breath coming in the nostrils, how it lifts your stomach and chest as it fills your body, and the feeling of exhaling.

Step 4: When your mind wanders (which it will, frequently) simply bring your attention back to your breath. Don’t get angry or upset about having a wandering mind — even trained Buddhist monks have wandering minds. The entire practice of mindfulness meditation is to train your mind to control your awareness. This is like a superpower. So when your mind wanders, just notice that you have wandered, and focus again on the breath. Repeat.

That’s it.

When 5 minutes is up, take one last deep breath, and open your eyes. Go about your day.

You can set a reminder on your phone, do it first thing when you get up, or last thing before you go to sleep. It doesn’t matter — whatever works for you. Don’t think 5 minutes is enough to notice benefits? Test it out! Be the scientist in your own life. Log one week of 5 minutes a day and see what you notice. If you want to do more, do more! The far more important factor is regularity. Meditating daily for 5 minutes is far more beneficial than meditating once a week for two hours. Regular practice is the name of the game. Once you get more comfortable you can start to focus on extending your sessions. For now, just pick an amount you will actually do.

I can’t think of a better time of year than the holiday season to begin this practice. With the added stresses of holiday shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating, and entertaining family and friends, you could use some mindful space. Don’t wait til January 1st to start your new health habits — sit down right now and take 5 minutes to create space in your mind.

This holiday, give yourself the best gift you possibly can: a more peaceful and relaxed mind.